Never Meant to Love You But Now It's All I Can Do
by free-2write-4me
Summary: Song fic using 'Fall For You' by Secondhand Serenade it involves Rachel, Santana and a public gesture at Breadstixs.


Rachel is the last to perform and as soon as Santana sees the shorter girl approach the microphone she stands, gathers her things and begins to leave.

"Santana wait." The urgency in Rachel's voice shocks the Breadstix customers. The majority of which have assembled at the restaurant to enjoy the first annual open mic night. An event put on by the current manager after the successful Warbler performance. Rachel's desperation breaks the jovial tone of the evening and the volume of everyone's conversations lowers as eyes dart back and forth between the two girls. "Please." Rachel adds softly as she sees Santana's back straighten and jaw clench, uncomfortable with the sudden attention that she had no hand in creating for herself.

Rachel eventually clears her throat when it seems as if Santana is going to stay. She looks out at the crowd whose attention has now turned back to her, smoothes shaking hands over a wrinkle free skirt and begins.

"Good evening everyone. My song for you tonight will be _Fall For You_ by Secondhand Serenade." Her voice shakes with an emotion that makes Finn's face scrunch in confusion as he looks back up at Santana who hasn't returned to her seat. But is instead still standing, staring at Rachel. "I apologize for ending this wonderful evening on… a slightly less than joyous note. But, I think there's something to be said for the hope that this song expresses. I'm sure some of you can remember what it's like to hope for the return of something… or someone… that you want more anything."

There's a soft rumble throughout the audience as more than one couple glances across the table to share a knowing glance.

Rachel takes a breath and, with her eyes on Santana, begins.

**The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting. Could it be that we have been this way before?"**

"_We'll stay like this won't we?" Santana shifts in Rachel's arms to look up at her girlfriend. She's taller and she knows that it should probably be her holding Rachel but they make this work, they always have. Rachel reaches between them, her thumb brushing slowly back and forth across Santana's cheekbone. "What do you mean?" She asks softly._

"_It's just… we got through our first year and summer is almost over. We won't be freshmen anymore and I-I know you're ready to be… out and stuff and even before we were together we were… I mean we are best friends. You've been my best friend for forever and I just- I know you're ready and I'm not and I-I love you so much Rae and I just want to make sure that we'll stay like this." Santana bites her bottom lip to keep herself from rambling further and looks away, embarrassed._

_Rachel tightens her grip around Santana, not too much though because she's well aware of Santana's fear of small spaces._

"_Always" There's a beat before Santana finally speaks the smile evident in her voice._

"_Are you quoting Harry Potter?"_

"_Does that make it less romantic?"_

_Santana is laughing as she shakes her head, the laughter quieting as her lips press to Rachel's._

**I know you don't think that I am trying. I know you're wearing thin down to the core.**

_It's late when Rachel gets to Santana's house. She bypasses the front door and heads to the back. It takes her a moment, longer than she needed a year (almost two) ago. Her hands slide slowly along the wall of the house feeling for the string she'd connected who remembers how long past. She finds it and remembers to breath._

_Santana had laughed when Rachel had showed her what she'd set up. It's rather complicated and probably less romantic than Rachel had hoped it would be. But Santana is a light sleeper and all it takes is the slight ring of a bell to rouse her._

_Santana's head is tilted back as she looks up at her bedroom window. Their hands brush softly back and forth._

"_You know this means I can't close my window." She eyes Rachel for a moment before her gaze moves back to her window._

"_I… well…" Rachel pauses, she hadn't thought about that. Her brow furrows as she struggles to find a solution. Finally she sighs and turns, intending to head inside and remove the whole set up. "Hey" Santana calls after her, catching up to Rachel as they enter the house. She pulls the other girl close, "I didn't say that was a problem."_

_After pulling the string once then twice Rachel takes a few steps back. Her heart hammers in her chest as she waits to see if a light will flick on and Santana will appear. She'd been surprised when she'd felt tension in the string. She'd convinced herself that Santana would have disconnected it long ago. But now maybe this is worse. This new set of hope that maybe she has a chance. A light turns on, the curtains move, a few seconds pass and the light turns off._

_Rachel's not sure how long she stands there waiting. Hoping._

"_What're you doing here?" Rachel jumps and turns surprised to Santana. "What're you doing here?" There's something fearful about Santana's tone. Hidden beneath the attempt at disgust and contempt Rachel can hear it. The Latina's arms are wrapped around her body like she's trying to protect herself from something-someone. Rachel takes a step forward and Santana steps back._

"_I'm not sure." Rachel finally says, the words of her planned and highlighted speech suddenly failing her. Santana laughs, hard and biting as she shakes her head and turns to head back into her house._

"_Wait!" Rachel exclaims her voice echoing in the still silence of the cul-de-sac. "Please." She begs as she chases after Santana._

_Santana whips around so quickly that Rachel stumbles back and Santana actually has to catch her to keep her from falling._

"_I did." Santana hisses. "I waited for you and you wanted to fuck Finn and Jesse and Puck. I waited because you said you had a plan. You said I should join Cheerios because it would make people… I don't even know. But I listened to you. I turned into this… bitch that I don't even recognize and I waited." Even in the dark Rachel can see that Santana's eyes are shining with unshed tears. "I'm tired of it. You see what Brittany is doing to me. What you did to me, what you keep doing. It's like you don't even remember that this person that I am is because of you." Santana shakes her head as she takes a step back and then another. Her face is lined with a hardness that hits Rachel so hard in the gut she has to blink to steady Santana's figure in front of her. "I don't remember how to be anyone else and you should just go home."_

**But hold your breath. Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again, don't make me change my mind.**

Rachel watches as Santana bites her bottom lip. She takes a breath and so does Santana. The next lyrics will make it very clear what this song is meant to do.

**Or I won't live to see another day, I swear it's true. Because a girl like you is impossible to find. You're impossible to find.**

Finn moves to stand. His face red with anger as if he'd just lost the championship football game. It's only Puck forcefully pulling him back down that keeps the eye contact between Rachel and Santana from breaking.

**This is not what I intended. I also swore to you I'd never fall apart. You always thought that I was stronger. I may have failed but I have loved you from the start.**

Santana flinches and Rachel knows they're thinking of the same memory.

"_Hey" Santana is smiling as she walks into Rachel's room, dropping her newly awarded Cheerios duffle out of the way before she climbs into bed next to her girlfriend._

_She rolls on top of Rachel and leans down to kiss her. "I missed you today." Her lips meet Rachel's cheek instead of her lips but Santana doesn't think anything of it, she has something bigger on her mind. She sits up some, playing with the pleats of her skirt. She ignores the soreness in her muscles because today is going to be the day._

"_Puck, you know the football player with the mohawk, he's throwing a party this Friday and I wanted to know if you'd… come with me. Like, you know…with me." Santana smiles, because this is what Rachel wanted and she's finally ready. "I want to like… I'm ready to… just, come to the party with me. Come and hold my hand and all that other stuff."_

_Santana finally meets Rachel's eyes and she's surprised by the resounding 'no' she see's there. Rachel begins to sit up and, shifting with her, Santana moves off of her._

"_What?" Santana asks quickly. "Isn't this what we wanted?" The argument isn't much of an argument. It's final and they're done. Santana cries and Rachel doesn't and the Latina is gone soon after she arrived._

**But hold your breath. Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again, don't make me change my mind.**

This time it is Rachel with tears streaming slowly down her face. She struggles to keep her voice steady and even. Santana shakes her head as she looks away. She always hated to see Rachel cry. That had never changed.

**Or I won't live to see another day, I swear it's true. Because a girl like you is impossible to find. It's impossible.**

Rachel wills Santana to look at her. She hopes that through it all, somehow, the other girl will be able to hear the truth in her song. She begs the other girl to remember how to love her.

**So breathe in so deep. Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep. And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap. And remember me tonight when you're asleep.**

Santana shakes her head, her hands clenching at her sides and she turns quickly to leave. From her seat amongst her fellow Glee members Brittany rises. It's with a dancer's grace that she makes her way through the various tables and manages to meet Santana at the door. The brunette is crying now. She can't look at Brittany or Rachel or anyone. Brittany reaches out, lifting Santana's chin. She uses the back of her hand to gently wipe away Santana's fallen tears. With her other hand to take Santana's left. Her grip tightens when Santana tries to pull away and she steps forward, tilting her head slightly to look Santana in the eyes. Santana relaxes and Brittany takes a step forward, one and then another, until she's guiding Santana back to where she stood and then closer to where Rachel is still singing. She gently squeezes Santana's hand before she steps away and returns to her seat.

Santana finally looks up to watch Rachel.

**Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, over again, don't make me change my mind. Or I won't live to see another day, I swear it's true. Because a girl like you is impossible to find.**

Rachel is silent now and so is the rest of the restaurant. She steps around the microphone stand and moves to stand in front of Santana.

"You ended things with me. When I was ready…" Santana takes in a shaky breath, "when I was ready you left me."

"I was scared." Rachel's says quickly. Tries to explain. "I was scared because I had been the one who was strong for both of us. And then when you… the Cheerios –

"That was your idea!" A bus boy stumbles at the forcefulness behind Santana's exclamation and the clinking of the plates in the bucket he's carrying is the loudest thing in the suddenly silent room.

"I just didn't know if I could be strong enough for both of us when I saw what they put people through."

Santana's jaw clenches and she tries to keep from shaking. She can't do this. She doesn't want to. She needs more than anything to walk away and not let Rachel see how badly she still wants her. But she doesn't know how not to want Rachel. She worked so hard for so long and tried to tell herself that she didn't love her. But she still does. She's terrified she always will.

She turns on her heel but before she can get far Rachel's hand finds hers and tugs until they're crashing into each other. Santana knows she kisses Rachel first. She knows she's the one who pulls her closer and steps forward until Rachel is pinned between her and a table.

They separate and make eye contact in the same second.

"Santana," Rachel has somehow grabbed a handful of Santana's shirt and her grip tightens as she speaks, " please..."

**Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again, don't make me change my mind. I won't live to see another day, I swear it's true. Because a girl like you is impossible to find.**

Santana nods and leans forward to kiss Rachel again.


End file.
